When I first thought about what “Bold, Brilliant, Beautiful, You” means to me, I immediately thought of all the other beautiful women that I admire. There are so many of them, that I often don’t have time to include myself in that category. Actually, I’m sorry. I just lied to you. The reason why I don’t include myself in the “bold, brilliant, beautiful woman” category is because I don’t think I belong there. Now, this is not meant to be a pity party opportunity, but rather a chance for me to be honest about how I view myself in the world.
From a young age, I never felt like I belonged amongst my peers. I never felt pretty enough, thin enough, or cool enough as the other girls I so badly wanted to emulate. Because I didn’t feel a sense of belonging, I always tried to be someone else. You know, a cooler more sophisticated version of myself that other people might want to befriend. However, it’s not like I didn’t have friends. I have actually been blessed with many close friendships over the years, but this did not stop me from negatively comparing myself to them, physically and professionally. Through years of reflection, I began to realize that I compared myself to other women because I never felt “good enough” in any aspect of my life. Sure, at times I would think “I’m a good person with a lot to offer, so why am I trying to hide who I really am?” but then I would turn right around and try to blend in as best I could with everyone else. My desire to be someone else also stemmed from being very shy. In an effort to make others, and myself, believe that I wasn’t shy, I often acted as if I were naturally an outgoing and confident person. As you can imagine, this became exhausting, especially for an introvert. As an adult, I find that I sometimes revert back to my child-like tendency to pretend like I’m someone else, even if it’s just for a moment. When this happens, I tend to get angry with myself because I would like to think that I have matured past all that nonsense, but sadly, it still creeps in from time to time.
When I first started this blog, I felt a great sense of accomplishment. However, that sense of accomplishment was soon overshadowed by my self-doubt. This was something that I had wanted to do for the past couple of years but convinced myself that what I had to say and show would not be “good enough” and would pale in comparison to the other bloggers that I closely follow. I also worried that my blog wouldn’t mean anything due to how many blogs are out there nowadays. I realize now that I was attempting to talk myself out of taking a risk on something that was important to me. My negative self-talking habits were trying to overpower me yet again. However, this time, I didn’t let them win. My blog was something that I was proud of and it actually helped me feel confident for the first time in a long time. This confidence was also met with insecurity (how am I going to keep up with my posts? How will I keep finding new content? What if no one likes what I show?), which of course led me to feel overwhelmed.
For my very first blog post, I felt like an awkward little girl posing for her first school picture. I was stiff, nervous, and self-conscious in front of the camera and my boyfriend (aka my photographer) was also unsure of what to do. Together, we have found a rhythm that we use during our blog photoshoots, but I have found that I now only think that I can look presentable and “fashion forward” if I have my sunglasses on and/or if I tilt my head in a certain direction. The two of us literally just had a conversation that went something like this:
Me: (While scrolling through pictures on his phone) “I only look good in my sunglasses. I look weird without them.” Him: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Me: “Ugh.” Him: “You’re using your sunglasses as a crutch. You need to start taking some photos without them so you feel more comfortable looking at yourself.” Me: “Oh…”
In that moment, I knew he was right. I was replicating poses that I had seen on other blogs and most of the bloggers I follow only show photos of them wearing sunglasses. Oh my gosh. I was transferred straight back to elementary school where I was trying to copy what all of the other “cool” girls were doing so that I could blend in with them in an effort to not stand out. In an effort to try and be like the other bloggers, I had ignored what I can bring to the world of blogging: Myself! While I may not be as “popular” as some of the other fashion and lifestyle bloggers out there, I need to stop focusing on that and start focusing on how far I’ve come since I first started playing around with the idea of starting my own blog. At this point in my life, I now realize that I no longer want to blend in with everyone else. I want to stand out!
I first heard about the “Bold, Brilliant, Beautiful, You” project from my dear friend and fellow blogger, Blogger BP of Even If Nobody Read This. Blogger BP is someone that I truly admire and find her energy and zest for life to be contagious and inspiring. This project could have not come at a better time. Now that my blog has been off and running for about two months, my uncertainty about my looks has definitely started to play into how I view myself as a blogger. However, as my pledge to try and think of myself as a “Bold, Brilliant, and Beautiful” woman, I am going to try and stop harping on the negative and focus on the positive. Additionally, I want to show you more of the woman behind the sunglasses. I do bring something unique and special to the world of blogging because there is no one quite like me out there. As an attempt to show you more of who I am, I snapped these pictures of myself. No special angles, no fancy clothes. Just me. I can be goofy, serious, happy and fun all at the same time! As the year progresses, I hope to show you more of the real me!
Every person has something that makes them bold, brilliant, and beautiful. Sometimes we know exactly what that something is, and sometimes it takes us awhile to accept and acknowledge it. My challenge to you is to really take a look inside of yourself and find that bold, brilliant, and beautiful part of you that you may not give yourself credit for. I want to invite all of you to become a part of the “Bold, Brilliant, Beautiful” project, which is really a place for us to all come together and show each other who we really are without an harsh criticisms. You can become a part of this project by taking a “real” picture of yourself and posting it to Twitter or Instagram with the hashtag #boldbrilliantbeautiful. In the picture, make sure to include a poster or banner that also includes the #boldbrilliantbeautiful hashtag so that you can discover others that have joined the project. You never know, you could stumble upon something amazing!
I’m so glad you joined us! I’ve never felt like I belonged much either. You look gorgeous, Btw!
Hi Jill!!! Thank you so much for the kind words! I’ve never felt so supported so quickly! <3
This is an amazing blog, but I have to say that the one thing you omitted in your definition of “BBB” is heart. Without heart, the circle is not complete. I am overjoyed to say that, in your case, your heart completed that circle and YOU made yourself Bold, Brillant and Beautiful.
Hi Bumma! Now you’re just making me blush! Thank you for always leaving such kind comments and making me feel so supported. Love you!
Here’s to getting out of your comfort zone in more ways than one. Your honesty about self image on a fashion blog is rare. So real, so relatable. What’s more BBB than that? Adorable pictures too, thanks for taking the plunge! It’s all in perfect timing for us all, don’t you think???
Hi BP! Yes, here’s to getting out of our comfort zones! Thank you so much for the kind words and for always inspiring me to be the best version of myself. I’m so lucky to have you and your support! <3
You are gorgeous, I am so glad you took off your sunglasses! Be you, everyone else is taken! I feel so inspired my your bravery in this beautiful post, rock on girlfriend!
Hi Carla! Thank you so much for your incredibly kind and thoughtful comment!! You are so sweet. Here’s to being bolder in 2014! 🙂
thank you for frankness! That’s brave of you
Hi Marsdeeda! Thanks for writing and for your thoughtful and sweet comment. 🙂
I’m so glad we met through BBB, woman you radiate and I love your style and personality. I’m proud of you for taking the glasses off and I say be damned with those glasses anyway. I want to see YOU!
Hi Stacy! Thank you for writing. I feel so inspired by all of you BBB women! Thank you for all of the support and your thoughtful comment! Here’s to a bolder 2014!
You are on to something there!
As Marianne Williamson also reminds us, we all have the bold, brilliant and beautiful in us but are often afraid to let it out!
We all need to remind the rest if the world how great we really are in our unique ways!
You go girl!!!!!
Hi Mom!!! Thank you so much for your support in everything that I do. I couldn’t do it without you. Love you!
You are not alone! There are many of us that have self doubt. I have found that it helps to announce just who you are, and if people don’t like it, the heck with them. You do not portray that shy girl you wrote about. You appear smart, beautiful, and intelligent. Look out world here she comes!
Hi Sandy!!! Thank you so much for your kind words and your support. I love your approach to the world and am going to (slowly) start adopting it as my own! 🙂
I think we were a lot alike growing up! Even now. I struggle with the lie of comparison on a daily basis and it’s extremely tough not to in the blogging world. It has taken me over 4 years of blogging to finally reach a place of realizing who I want to be in this space. Thank goodness your getting there sooner!! You are beautiful! Thank you for joining us!
Hi there! Thank you so much for writing. Since I have joined all of you amazing BBB ladies, I have felt so welcomed and supported! Thank you for sharing your experience with comparison within the blogging world. I didn’t realize that it would hit me as hard as it did, and it feels wonderful to know that I am not the only one! 🙂
I’m so glad I found your blog today! I’m always astounded when I see beautiful, healthy, vivacious, stunning and intelligent women hiding behind sunglasses and really not seeing their beauty. Its from the inside, as we all know, but gal, you are amazing – huge bright happy eyes, gorgeous teeth (I’m truly envious) stunning glowing skin, healthy hips (I bet men drool – have you noticed).
As someone who is actually very shy, I know about portraying an outer air of confidence – being in control etc. and people are truly surprised when they learn how I sweat when having to walk into a room full of people alone, or a restaurant etc. but I’ve forced myself to do it – that way, they can’t tease me about my shyness … its just a great big ruse, but its been successful.
Wishing you a bold and beautiful 2014 (Now I need to go find out more about this project you mentioned).
Wendy
Simply Sassy Style
Hi Wendy! You comment really touched me. Thank you so much for your kind words and for following along on this journey of mine. I really empathize with your battle with shyness. Many people do not fully understand what it is like for us to face this world and it can often feel very lonely. Thank you so much for your support and I look forward to challenging myself to a bold and beautiful year! You can find more information on the Bold, Brilliant, Beautiful, You project on Facebook. They have their own group and anyone can join! 🙂
Yay awesome post! Here’s to a BBB year ahead! 🙂
Hi Racquel!!! Thank you so much! 2014, here I come! 🙂